How to get a new iPhone 6 – a partner’s guide

I’ve always been into tech – I’m obsessed by gadgets and have a wide range of obsolete, discarded electronic items scattered around the house.  In the late 90s I was convinced the mini-disc was the best music format (I have 2 players and over 40 discs.)  Because of this history I urge you to not judge my wife too harshly.

6 months ago I bought a brand new iPhone 5s 32GB.  At that time I already had an iPhone 5 16GB (less than a year old – bought to replace my 8GB iPhone 4s.)   My argument for buying the new 5s was: my 16GB model was almost full (so I needed more storage), had a slower processor (I could work faster with the new phone and spend more time with my wife) ­and my ‘old’ one was on a locked contract, so I couldn’t use it on my frequent trips to the US (yes I know, I could have had it unlocked – stay with me here!)

Reluctantly my wife gave in to my incessant explanations of the improvements the new phone would make to my life.  On my last trip to the US I bought the object of my desire – iPhone 5s, 32GB, space grey – a thing of beauty!

My pleasure was short-lived – no sooner had I bought it, I started hearing rumors of the new iPhone 6.  Immediately this became the focus of my desire.  Sensibly, I kept this to myself!

However, it was my birthday recently and my wife admitted she was struggling to find something to surprise me with.  I told her not to worry, that I had everything I needed – but as the day went on, I casually mentioned that if money was no object, the only thing I could think of that I would like (maybe for Christmas…) was the new iPhone 6.  As you can imagine – that didn’t go down too well.  As the day went on though (I was on a free ride as it was still my birthday) I explained the upgrade needn’t cost us too much.

I showed my long-suffering better half sites where one could sell surplus phones (e.g. ebay, craigslist etc.)   “So you see, these handsets are so easy to sell, I could sell both of my iPhone 5 series phones to offset the cost of the iPhone 6 – right?” (so convinced was I of my argument I didn’t stop to reflect on the irony of my statement given that I still owned iPhones 4s, 5 and 5s!)

The conversation that followed was a little like a boxing match (but without the actual punches!)  Intellectual jabs followed by swinging right and left hooks detailing the further expected benefits of the new model.  Exasperated she came out with the killer question: “What can this new phone do that your old new phone can’t do? – tell me that!”   “Ermm,” – pause – “It’s got a bigger screen!”  – not impressed – “It’s way faster!”  “Notably faster than your old new phone?”  she countered …….”Hmmm, better resolution camera???”  Again, an unimpressed look met my hopeful gaze.

I realized I was beaten.  “I suppose you’re” right I said “maybe the new phone isn’t worth the extra money.”   Sulking is an undignified term so I shall say I skulked around the house in a resigned fashion, following her from room to room, sighing audibly at regular intervals.

Remember I said it was my birthday?  Well, just then a card flopped onto the mat – it was from her Mother – the text read – “may the year ahead be full of good things – you deserve them.  May your wants be few, but those you have be granted”

I passed the card to my wife, with an expectant smile on my face.  “You’re not having a new phone –forget it” she said.  Wisely I didn’t try to advance this poor position.

Later, over dinner, the iPhone conversation safely in the past, my wife asked me  ”Shall we get another dog?”

Without skipping a beat I asked ”Why?  What will it do that our current dog can’t?  Will it be bigger, faster, have a better sense of smell, be a better retriever?”  Against all odds she started laughing and said “OK, OK, I get it – you can have the new phone if you like – for Christmas!”

We’re also getting a new puppy at Christmas — I will take pictures of it on my new iPhone 6!